last night, sam and i went to the airport to pick up his friend who was flying in late. by some stroke of fate, aaron happened to be leaving work there at the same time sam and i were holding hands and walking through the terminal.
he called my name and i turned to see him and walked over to him and said hello. it was a short conversation- why are you here, to pick up his friend, oh. i guess i'm going to go...
i tear up when i think of this short exchange, and here's why-
red cross
when we were together, there wasn't much that could get aaron down that i wasn't able to sort of pull him out of. if he was down, or confused, or angry, or hurting, he would turn to me and i would help him feel better. 99% of the time i was able.
poison
now when i see him, i feel like i'm the poison that makes him sick. he looks at me and i see pain or hurt and i'm not only powerless to help him, i'm actually the cause of it. if i try to talk to him, i just see the poison go deeper into his system.
i just love him so much and never intended to hurt him- it's a cruel twist of fate that now no one probably has the power to hurt him more.
i'm actually crying now, so i should go.
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