feeling good

so there's been a lot of work to do on myself. yep.

but i also have to say that i'm really excited about all the work that i have ALREADY done. =)

breaking up with aaron shook me bad (and still shakes me). dating sam has opened up old wounds that i could hide from before.

it's like shaken baby syndrome with blistering boils.

but it feels like i've gotten some important work done and it's a base foundation to stand on. a lot of healing has happened. in a lot of ways, it's thanks to all my friends and family.

standing here now, i can see that i have a house to build. i want it to be a healthy house.

and the solid foundation gives me comfort, because i know the house is going to be all that i know it can be, now that i've gotten a few important things accomplished:
1. i found myself (for now)- here i am, right here. (seems so simple, but this is really big)
2. i don't need to know what the house will look like, have given myself permission to change it at any time.
3. i have some stronger trust in myself- i don't feel like i will need to change it much, trust my inner compass. (this last one is fairly new, is also really really big, and couldn't have happened until #2 fully happened)

feeling good about myself today.

feeling terrible about my job, but that's another whole story... =)