new poll--->

your answer says a lot about what sort of person you are------>

new iphone?

i know that people everywhere are starving for an iphone, so is it selfish of me to get the new one when so many people will be going without?

i really want it, and i think i will be getting it, once it's out- seriously, they need to release it NOW.

i'll be using my stimulus check, so one could even argue that it would be american for me to get one.

but i think of all those who are starving in africa, and i realize that i've only had my iphone since january 25th (four blessed months)...

so i ask- is it wrong for me to salivate at the thought of the new one as i plan to take a day off work to stand in line to buy it the instant it's available?

is it wrong (say no)?

whole bag of undeveloped film

i have an entire bag of undeveloped film from before i got a digital camera. there must be at least 30 rolls in there. i'm trying to get them developed a little at a time, like once a month.

here are a couple rolls:

susan's 30th birthday party- i had two disposable camera's at my party, and these are the resulting images.

















george and karen's cabin- we visited g&k's cabin and here are a few pics.

















i miss george and karen. i should call them. it's hard because they don't know we split up and i think they will be sad.

road trip

aaron and i took a road trip to duluth today (i mean yesterday- jeez it's late). =)

















































it rained the whole way up there. we contemplated turning around, but checked the iphone for weather and decided to wait just a little bit and then it cleared up and the sun came out. =)

we hung out by the lake for a few hours and got our fill of the open water. seriously, growing up near the lake in michigan has caused an open water deficiency for me that just aches to be filled as often as possible.

it was fun skipping rocks and just hanging out.

then we drove around a bit- to wisconsin, to park point (the beach that we just can't force ourselves to like) and then back to town. we went to hell's kitchen for dinner and then headed back.

i think we listened to almost four podcasts, and i have to recommend 'deception' from wnyc radio lab. it's about liars and it's fascinating!!

then buddy and i came back to the house and watched a movie together here while i did laundry.

it was a fun day. being around him feels natural again. i don't think it's unrealistic to hope for a strong friendship with him. =)

check out all the pics.

TV is taken already...

Yay!

free television

it's a tube television- 26"

not HD

with remote

free, if you want it.

let me know if you're interested.

iffen you wanna...

aaron could use some calls from friends...

if you know him and love him and wanna let him know you care, now is a great time to give him a ring.

if you don't have his phone number, let me know and i'll get it to you.

no obligation- just a tickle in your ear

new pics- roller derby and disc golf

i've uploaded some new photos... some from way back in february that never got posted. =)

roller derby



disc golf

feeling good

so there's been a lot of work to do on myself. yep.

but i also have to say that i'm really excited about all the work that i have ALREADY done. =)

breaking up with aaron shook me bad (and still shakes me). dating sam has opened up old wounds that i could hide from before.

it's like shaken baby syndrome with blistering boils.

but it feels like i've gotten some important work done and it's a base foundation to stand on. a lot of healing has happened. in a lot of ways, it's thanks to all my friends and family.

standing here now, i can see that i have a house to build. i want it to be a healthy house.

and the solid foundation gives me comfort, because i know the house is going to be all that i know it can be, now that i've gotten a few important things accomplished:
1. i found myself (for now)- here i am, right here. (seems so simple, but this is really big)
2. i don't need to know what the house will look like, have given myself permission to change it at any time.
3. i have some stronger trust in myself- i don't feel like i will need to change it much, trust my inner compass. (this last one is fairly new, is also really really big, and couldn't have happened until #2 fully happened)

feeling good about myself today.

feeling terrible about my job, but that's another whole story... =)

frenzy of dissatisfaction

feeling so restless in life, lately.

feeling like i still have so much to learn. wondering if most people in the world feel a little lost throughout parts of their lives, or do i just overthink things? probably both, eh?

is everyone so insecure about themselves? i'm sure everyone is a little, but insecure seems to be the word of the year for me.

how do other people deal with the insecurity?

how do i just let go, let it be and accept myself the way i am? unfinished.

i feel like i'm in some race with myself- to get myself done, to know everything there is to know, to be complete and be completely under control.

it's not enough to just learn, i have to know within myself what i learned, why i learned it and how i will never do THAT again, ever.

like there is some race to be 'perfect' and i know i could just get there if i worked hard enough.

the little voice inside me, the one that knows truth, says two things:
you are fine just the way you are now, be happy with yourself and appreciate the things about you that make you unique and so-called 'flawed'
relax, it doesn't all have to happen now

then the voice quiets down in the urgency of the day, and i work myself back up into some frenzy of dissatisfaction. and i become unhappy with myself. and scared.

i feel like the lesson this year really is patience. i need to learn patience.