cole christian ralya is my nephew, and he is adorable. i hope that i can spend more time visiting him than i've spent this year. it's hard being away.

phoenix and pharoah

my mom has two new family members, phoenix (f) and pharoah (m). though i couldn't find the picture of pharoah online, here is a picture of phoenix. i'm excited to meet these new friends at the next family get together.

lori is thirty

her birthday party was last night and it was a great one.

soon i'll be thirty. is that supposed to mean something? everyone talks about thirty as a big transition. i can't tell if it hasn't set in yet, or if i just don't feel what everyone else feels.

i've got a couple months to find out.

good times

as i'm thinking about my future and talking about it with people near me, i'm feeling so good about the things i've done and the places i'm going. it's a very good feeling to be appreciated. right now i'm feeling a whole lot of appreciation for the skills i have.

i find myself smiling to myself, and trying not to get a big head. i hope that i can navigate through this time in my life rationally, without letting the emotions of the time take hold of me.

there seem to be many possible paths stretched out in front of me, all likely to lead to good times.

it's challenging just to focus on the path right beneath me and enjoy every minute of this time in my life.

karma- is it real?

i can't say i believe in a 'god' (my definition- a conscious energy in the universe). i do believe that coincidences rule our experiences. but do i believe in this idea of karma (putting good energy into the world brings it back around to you, somehow...)

well, i'm not sure i need to solve that question this morning, but i feel like if there was ever a time to believe, now might be it.

thanks to all the wonderful people who have liked me, or said great things about me, to bring more than one new opportunity to my door in the last few weeks (overwhelming me and creating havoc, but that's beside the point).

cajones

i don't have them.

i just don't.

and right now i need them.

if you want to know why, you'll have to call me, because i can't really talk about it online.

but i need to grow a backbone.

normally, i have an overdeveloped backbone. where has it gone?

nothing is right

everything is wrong, bad feelings, misunderstood, why can't i just be happy right now.

i'm not, not at all.

and i hate it. it's everything, all at once. i want to be alone.

george and karen

we visited george and karen's town home today to thank them for hosting us at their cabin in june and teaching us how to fish. we gave them a rapala, some rapala ads, and a picture frame with two pictures, one with us and george, and one with us in the bwcaw with our fishies.

they are fun to talk to, because they have the same bwcaw fever we have, and they know more. so each time we visit with them, we get another hint about what's what in the wilderness.

they are good to us, we like them a lot.

summer is not my fav

fall, winter, and spring are my favorite seasons. i hate this heat.

i want to move to canada.

Melody/CL couldn't have lasted forever, i guess

my boss, melody, is leaving carmichael lynch.

this makes me very sad because her leadership is a very large part of why i enjoy my job so much at CL.

there were tears yesterday.

it maybe seems dramatic, but if you met her just once, you would understand.

i have these hopes:
1. that she and i will keep in contact
2. that someday we will work together again
3. that i can rediscover her energetic 'brand' of leadership either in others around me or within myself
4. that CL doesn't start to suck without her
5. that she is very successful as an independant consultant

it seems that # 1 and # 5 are sure bets, # 2 and # 3 are good possibilities, and # 4 is the one that worries me the most.

thank you, melody, for everything you are.

s quakkelacker's series of unfortunate events

also known as: how not to get a good night's rest.

lost the softball game.
stayed up late to get something for work done.
woke up at around 1:30 dreaming about the work I did.
woke up a half hour later to stop the door from creaking and keeping me awake.
woke up 15 minutes later for 'revenge of the maximus' (pizza luce with sausage).
stumbled back into the bedroom to get my glasses so i could see if i could stop the toilet from overflowing (that was just nasty).
spent 15 minutes cleaning up the mess.
fell back asleep finally
woke up at 3:30 because of a very loud thunderstorm.
woke up at 7am to start my day.

okay, the kitty and the buddy were very excellent snugglers, they were the only good thing about the night.

august 19th will be a beautiful day

that's the day aaron and i are planning to venture back into the wilderness for some fishing. it can't come fast enough.

cello news

so i got my cello from the repair shop on saturday. i nervously pulled it out and began to tune it to my computer (the things you can do nowadays with some electricity). i also had to look up how to read the music again, spotted a few notes i recognized and the rest all just came back to me. the notes were slightly more gruff sounding than the last time i remember it, but they came back alright. =)

as i played through the one book i had stored in the back of the cello case, i was starting to plan for next steps (how often should i practice, was i really going to dig out all my sheet music or should i just buy more, could i afford a tutor, how much work would it take to be ready for a recital), when my newly rehaired bow popped and all the hair spilled all over my newly refurbished (and quite beautiful) cello.

bummer.

now i need to get that fixed before i can set my practice schedule in motion. oh well, i needed to get rosin from that store anyway.

resisting negativity

so i think we've probably played about 20 softball games this season (or close to 20). i try to maintain a good positive attitude, i try to have spirit, i try to be excited, i try to quell the nagative feelings that are deep inside trying to bubble out.

there is one thing that will help me resist the negative:

could we just win one game?

everyone will want to be me...

...when i tell the world my news:

aaron and i are going up to the bwcaw again this summer.

just the two of us, to fish and sleep in a tent again over a long weekend.

i can barely contain my excitement. seriously. we are going to be delirious with enjoyment.

we started sketching out the details last night, and it doesn't seem fair that we should get to go out twice in one year, but how could we not? it calls to us, it begs us to return, even if just for a weekend. and we are giving in. how wonderful.

i know you want to, but you can't be me. sorry.

afraid

i'm at the coffee shop on the corner, not more than a block from my house.

i've just finished all the work i'll actually do for the day.

i know aaron is at home, waiting to do something 'fun'.

my iced chai tea latte is gone.

all my email has been read.

all my favorite sites have been visited.

but i'm not ready to leave. why, you ask?

cause i'm afraid to step outside into the 90 plus degree weather and instantly melt.

i have nothing else legitimate to do here, i must leave.

i'm afraid.

a bad start, a great finish

i had a bad feeling about this day when, while watering my precious friends (most people call them plants), one of them took a trip down about 14 feet to the bottom of our stairway. It was the variegated jade, probably the one plant i have that could handle the fall the least.

After scraping him off of the stairs, apologizing profusely and replanting him, I crawled back into bed to confess my sins. I snuggled with buddy to try to fend off a bad day, and then crawled back out of bed and hoped for the best.

the best is what i got.

here is a quick description of the rest of my fabulous day:

• i only needed about an hour on my laptop to square work away for the day.
• the write-off i needed to get on behalf of my client was approved.
• i met a friend for lunch, who surprised me by stating he was interested in hiring me. he listed all the things he liked about me (huge boost to my day, since the position would be exactly the kind of position i've envisioned for myself).
• i stopped to see buddy at work to tell him my news.
• i sent angela's graduation gift and tesia's birthday card out in the mail (finally).
• i found out that i can get the pair of glasses that i was planning to get at the end of the year, whenever i want, instead of having to wait.
• i dropped my cello off for repair (really fucking exciting- i'll get it back in a week!).
• my brothers 'goodies' arrived- a network router, gameworks cards, and a pen drive (thanks scott!)
• saire sent aaron and i very sweet 'thank you' cards that described her favorite parts of our trip, and our friendship (she included a check for her part of the trip- thanks saire!).
• i talked to my mom on the phone (thanks mom!)
• i received an invitation to a party for an old friend- proving he is still my friend despite a sticky situation that occurred.
• aaron is making venison stew for dinner.

life is sweet today.

cello today (and work frustrations)

i'm going to take my cello in to get it repaired today.

i would be extremely excited about this, if i weren't so wrapped up in work right now. there's a lot of things weighing me down, so my excitement is muted. I'm sure after lunch, when i head in the direction of the cello shop the excitement will hit me. i know it's there.

it doesn't seem right that going on vacation is preceeded and followed by intense periods of work hell/punishment. i can't seem to get my feet underneath me with all this stuff, so i'm going to work on my 'summer day' from home and try to crank through a bunch of things. wish me luck.

wonder when i'll get my cello back from repair if i drop it off today...

celebration dinner

tonight we're having salmon/trout, corn, salad, soup, cheesecake and friendship for dinner to celebrate our successful bwcaw trip.

in the interest of posterity, we wanted to capture some of the phrases from our wondrous vacation:

what day is it? - see entry below
that's a good quality to have
i'm going to want some honey
if there are two ways of doing things, one of them must be wrong
so here's the plan...
shower!
leave no trees (added to post 7/4)
no tree left behind (added to post 7/4)

thanks scott, saire and aaron for helping to make our trip so fabulous.

to do list

now that i'm getting back into the swing of things at home, i'm trying to get a grasp on all the things i need to do:
send wendy a birthday card, re-establish contact
send angela a necklace and a card for her high school graduation gift
put away all the camping equipment
put together george and karen's thank you gift
make stephers and alicia some pretty jewelry
set up some weekends for camping with tesia and visiting michigan
get my cello fixed and begin playing again

that's all i can think of now, though i'm sure there is more

what day is it?

what day is it?

aaron, scott, saire and i agreed that this is the most beautiful question one would ever have to ask.

after canoeing through the boundary waters, portaging, setting up camp, cooking dinner, enjoying sunsets and sunrises, one tends to lose track of time. and it is blissful.

our trip was super fantastic. we had great weather, everything was planned well. the fish were biting, the water was warm. we never wanted to come home.

aaron and i decided that we don't really need to wait another year to revisit the bwcaw. maybe over labor day weekend, we could rent the canoes (we have all the other equipment we would need) and go up to terrorize the walleyes a bit more, just the two of us.