holiday versus christmas

how is it that we live in a time that the christian movement can shame us into excluding all other religions?

advertisers can't say holiday anymore, they have to say christmas, or they're attacked by the christian coalition.

people in everyday conversation say "merry christmas" now, which really is bothersome when you're not religious.

as a society, we used to be more accepting in our holiday festivities, but that isn't acceptable anymore.

since when did acceptance of people, regardless of religion, race, gender, sexual orientation... since when did acceptance of ALL people become unacceptable?

apparently this year.

fun holiday sites...

http://members.cox.net/transam57/lights.wmv























http://snowflakes.lookandfeel.com/index.html
















http://www.powerpres.com/xmascard03.html














http://www.olsongreetings.com/

dedicated to my sister

i love you, you know that. you are my sister and i support you, always.

i know you want to quit smoking, for you and for your family.

i love that you keep trying, and you never quit quitting. that is what i love most about you. you are strong, and you do whatever you put your mind to, even if it takes some time and work to get it done. you are beautiful, inside and out.

this image is for you to look at and think about. i hope that it adds to your already strong and complete resolve to quit smoking.















please let me know whatever i can do to help, and thank you for never giving up. i love you.

also, this is a funny site:





















http://www.ashtraymouth.com/default.aspx

and this site talks about how tobacco companies target people:

http://www.unfilteredtv.com/

puttin' on the ritz

i can't find the words to describe this site. you'll have to see it for yourself...

http://www.idsociety.com/happyholidays05/

i'm back

thanks for waiting.

hope you enjoy my blog again.

come back often.

=)

the unwritten blogs of my mind

i have many unwritten blogs in my head. So many things to say.

I implore you to keep visiting my blog loyally until your efforts are paid off by my eventual brilliance (or at least some decent blog activity). i promise to pour all the unwritten blogs in my mind onto this site when i have moments to spare.

say you won't stop visiting. say you will always come back to this spot to read.

i need you.

sq

it's a big ad

very big ad...

http://www.bigad.com.au/











i saw this awhile ago and thought it was funny. it seems to be going around again, so forgive me if you've seen it. my favorite is the guy on the horse.

it asks you to trust an applet download, but don't worry, it's safe.

ha ha ha ha ha HA ha HA ha ha ha HA ha ha HA HA

ha ha HA ha HA HA HA ha ha ha HHAAAAAgh!













Carolina Panthers cheerleaders, Renee Thomas, left, and Angela Keathley, shown in these Hillsborough County, Fla., Sheriff's Office booking photos, were arrested early Sunday, Nov. 6, 2005 after a bar dispute that broke out after patrons complained the women were allegedly having sex in a bathroom stall. (AP Photo/Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office)

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid=1756&e=1&u=/051107/483/tp10111071730

inquisitor

i love the creativity in the world of the internet. people just keep making cool things.

this isn't the coolest of the cool, but it shows the freedom that the internet is (and it's at least a little cool, if you subscribe to my definition of cool, which i don't recommend doing).

http://www.inquisitorx.com/beta/


















now, if we could just get it to work with google images...

zizzle

zizzle is supposed to be the big thing this christmas. you can mix music by pulling on his ear and pushing his belly and then he dances and makes a light show. also, if you hook him up to your mp3 player, he dances to your music.

















i'm not usually into the 'cool' thing. But i have to confess. If i didn't think this would annoy my sister and her husband to death, i may have ordered it for my neice and given it to her for a xmas 'fresent'.

http://www.zizzle.com/index.html

you can mix some music here:

http://www.zizzle.com/products/iz/mixer.html

movie map

sometimes, this internet thing can be pretty smart. now i can see a map of minneapolis, roll over one of the movie theaters listed and see the times and movies available, without a ton of clicking around. neato frito.

http://www.mashmap.com/

aaron 'colonel' dewitt and susan quakkelaar

our friends are hilarious. last night was the kickball end-of-the-season party at kat and scott's house and they had the most awesome-ist trophy for us enscribed with '1st place kickball captains' and our names. it is so perfect. it beats out any other trophy i've ever gotten because it is so damn cool that our friends gave it to us.

the last two years have really been awesome. i'm always amazed at how great our friends are and i don't regret the time we've spent on the team because the fun we've had was worth any amount of trouble, that's for sure. now that we've had some distance from the game for a couple of weeks, the trouble we went through seems so small now. especially with a great trophy on our fireplace.

they also got us a gift certificate to both REI and Fujiya, which i thought was way generous. they really made us feel special.

thanks for all the good captain times, kickball team.

welcome all the good kickball playing times, future.

comcastic

this site is pretty interesting. i like the puppet area.











http://www.comcastic.com/

i'm a (gasp) plant murderer

i really didn't mean to. i'm so sad now. it was so beautiful, alive, thriving... now it's dead because of me.

i wanted to take it to work, to let it grow in my office like it never could at home (not enough room with all my other plants).

i never imagined that the freezing cold temparatures would kill it so completely. i mean deader than i've ever seen a plant. it was alive when i got it here and within an hour, corpse.

i am so completely traumatized. how could i do this?

a plant is dead, the murder weapon was ten minutes of minnesota cold, and i am a murderer.

(sigh)

woogle, toogle, soogle, gsig and google for

there are endless websites that make use of google's algorithm and create fun affects. Here are a couple new ones:

woogle: http://www.gujian.net/woogle/index.php
put in a phrase and woogle returns results using pictures (always something unusual)
my favorite was this phrase- ass, gas, or grass, no one rides for free













toogle: http://c6.org/toogle/
put in a word and toogle takes the image that would have been returned and recreates it using colored text (in the form of the word queried).











soople: http://www.soople.com/
shows all the google search capabilities, makes them easy to use.

google for: http://googlefor.com/squakk.aspx
create your own search engine homepage.












gsig: http://gsig.brightdev.com/index.php
create an email signature for your website






google is king, eh?

my friend tracy

i hung out with my friend tracy today. we made apple cake, quesadilla's and apple pie. we talked a lot and had a really great time.

i like the fact that we used to work together, so we've seen the best and worst of each other, and we can also bitch and complain about our current work when it's bothering us. she's a really good listener.

we talk about having babies at the same time and babysitting for each other. that's a nice thought. having babies...

i'm ready to start having babies... soon.

so anyway, tracy was fun to hang out with today (and the pie turned out great!).

magical

she put a peice of paper in front of me. it showed how many fingers to put down on what string in what order. not even real music. completely simplified so even an amateur like me could play it.

i started slowly, until magically the tune came back to me and i didn't even have to look at the paper anymore. =)

then she said i have a great bow hand.

she said that i really am much further along than i give myself credit for.

it was magical.

i came very close to crying just a little, that's is how i felt inside.

more site navigation uniqueness

to think, everything doesn't need to be a header and sub navigation: http://www.historiascepsa.com/

Thanks Josh!!

i figure, if josh has to look at the chicken joke of the day every single day, the least i can do is continue to recieve my playboy bunnies.

http://quakk.blogspot.com/2005/11/free-shipping.html

brings me back to drawing at MCAD

i think this is pretty cool:
http://www.brizzone.nm.ru/2005/flash/Flash_2005-03-01.htm

site navigation evolution

i'm seeing a lot more sites explore unique navigation solutions. i've seen more and more like this one: http://www.arnoldproject.com/

this picture doesn't do it justice, you have to try it for yourself.














i like it for the most part, but i've only seen it on portfolio sites. would this be as successful on a more hardworking /more heavily content driven type of website?

mortimer icabod marker

there you are and here i am. remember picture pages? i rediscovered picture pages again recently.
















here was the site that made me smile all over again.

http://www.mystiesplace.com/picturepages/pictures.html

thank you bill cosby.

November 10- first cello lesson

i overcame my fears and scheduled my first lesson with my teacher.

i'm nervous and really really excited.

=)

neat site

i like it, but i don't have anything to say other than that. http://www.historiascepsa.com/

free shipping

was it fair for me to sign josh (coworker) up for the chicken joke of the day? probably not.

is it like salt in the wound that he has tried multiple times to unsubscribe from the list, unsuccessfully? absolutely.


















is my unexplained subscription to the playboy promotional email list an extremely equitable counter-attack? i think so.

mailman's kid?!

no one can say this child does not belong uniquely to john and stephanie ralya. he is the spitting image of his father, and the most adorable boy on the planet.

amazon- technology can be your friend

so for every smart use of technology on the web, there is an equal and opposite example out there.







tell me what's wrong with this picture

update: the package finally arrived on November 1st. =)

the older crowd

friday night we met an old friend of mine for drinks (eric). he brought along two friends (james and brandon) and we found ourselves at the 1029 bar (laura's) in northeast. the activities that followed leave me laughing to myself endlessly and feeling just a little bit guilty about what we did.

the 1029 bar is a little hole in the wall bar that james and brandon had suggested. when we walked in the door, i thought to myself 'oh man, this is not going to be any fun'. boy was i wrong.

we found our seat and ordered some beer from a short petite waitress (who was blown away by our modest tipping, she can't be making much money there). as we waited for the band to get started, we checked out the full house crowd.

one guy with long blond hair in a ponytail and an eyepatch (we were split on whether we thought it was real or not) sat at the bar looking very serious.

one very quiet black couple hid themselves in a corner, looking like they were terrified they would be spotted at any minute.

the rest of the bar seemed to be taken over by tons of older woman, dressed in patterned sweaters, big hair, high heel pumps and gobs of makeup like they were still in the eighties. There seemed to be a hope and almost expectation that if they just kept their eyes open, they would see mister right walk through the door any minute. He would spot them across the bar, in the midst of all the other women, be blown away by their hairdo, ask them to dance, and eventually propose to them. the women in that bar were the most hilarious i've seen in a very long time. seeing them made aaron and i feel like we were back in small town muskegon michigan again. fucking hilarious!

(this may seem just a bit judgemental- but that's where some of my aforementioned guilt comes in)

the band was made up of a lead singer (maybe 50), the keyboardist (knight rider 80's hairdo- though his keyboard was on a stand, you could totally see him having one of those hang-around-the-neck keyboards from the 80's), two singer guitarists and a drummer who all seemed young enough to understand why this was so damn funny.

they got started playing and we realized they were doing all 80's cover songs. in groups of two, the woman dared to go up and dance (the 80's kind of dancing, where you don't move your feet and you swing your arms around), doing their best to look extremely sexy in case mister right walked in right then. james and brandon were hilarious as they mocked the dance style, i'm laughing out loud right now remembering it.

as we drank, laughed like crazy and sang out loud to the songs, our mockery was confused as enthusiasm and the lead singer picked us out as the 'rowdy table'. he played the songs we requested, pointed to us often, and came over to sing from our table. somewhere in there, i even forced aaron to slow dance with me to 'every rose has it's thorn' by poison. the laugher was outrageous and never ending.

it seemed no one in the bar could get a read on our sarcasm, and that just made it all the more palpable. this is where more of that guilt comes in. i'm sure the band members are nice, talented guys, and that the women are great people as well, but that scene was the most comic 80's reproduction i ever thought i would see.

going into the 1029 bar is like stepping back in time (except all the teenagers are adults).

wells miller jackson

a really great guy i used to work with had a son recently.

what a handsome fella!

noitulove

i like this ad a lot. it wins on many levels.

http://www.framestore-cfc.com/commercials/guinness_noitulove/launch_noitulove.html

color blender- cool for designers

this is a cool site where you can find six colors that go well together by selecting a specific rgb code or moving sliders around somewhat randomly.

http://colorblender.com/

what fun!

$500- holy shit!

i mentioned that my friends had gotten together to buy me cello lessens. they gave me five hundred dollars!!!

that is a lot.

thank you, friends!

homeless in minneapolis

a friend of mine who works in the mill city museum sent me this link (thanks saire).

http://jobylynn.com/html/

basically, it's a woman who talks about the time she spent homeless and living in the ruins of a mill in downtown minneapolis.

there are a few things that are super fascinating about this site for me:
1. personal story- jobylynn tells of what it was like squatting in the ruins as a homeless person, giving some perspective on what kind things matter most when you have no home.
2. contrast of old and new- i've been in the 'restored' ruins, so seeing this perspective rounds out my impression a bit. makes me wish i could have been there to see what she was seeing.
3. amazing photography- she has a fantastic eye for shooting photos. i'd love to see her entire collection
4. sadness- it is virtually impossible for a homeless person to move themselves out of their situation, but society can't see that barrier. they sure do love to pass judgement, though.

thanks for sharing jobylynn...

john, wanda and james

i'm spending the afternoon with some good friends here at Crisis Connection. I've been volunteering here for over 3 years, taking calls from people who need help for some reason or another.

today has been a bit busy for us here. there have been lots of calls about drug addiction/use. seems like there's a lot of that in the calls here. We had one suicidal call where we had to send the police to the residence. makes me feel better about the state of things in my own life.

john, wanda and james are great to work with, they are brilliant at what they do. by the end of a shift i tend to get a litte raw, a little down. they're excellent at keeping my spirits up as we take calls. it's best to keep the shifts short around here.

childhood memories- less than fond ones

aaron showed me this video the other day:

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/mean_mom.html

be prepared, it's a bit extreme. when i saw it, i flashed back to my childhood, actually.

a 16 year old kid has turned his video recorder on during a fight he's having with his mom. she is screaming at the top of her lungs at him because she wants money from him and he's insisting she ask him nicely.

let's just say if i ever even thought of speaking to my mother this way when she was angry, i don't even know what she would have done to me, but i can tell you that i'm 30 now, and still scared to imagine.

the part of the video that freaks me out the most is the part where the stepdad is trying to reason with the 16 year old kid that he should give his mother the money because she has supported him all these years.

really people, this is so wrong for so many reasons. and something deep deep inside of me cringes when i hear this 'logic'.

unfortunately, it is the logic of my childhood. i'm tempted to relive some of the worst phrases here in my blog, but instead, i'm taking a deep breath and letting it go tonight.

i have a hard time dealing with the realization that people could have such a disturbing and dangerous view of the parent / child relationship.

please, stay away from the drinking water.

bluefly- your opinion?

nuditity everywhere...

what do you think of these new ads for bluefly?

http://www.thatswhyibluefly.com/tv_ad_popup.html

i'm curious what people think, so post a comment and then i'll put up my opinion.

kickball captains

aaron and i decided after four season's of coaching our kickball team that we'd like to hand that honor off to the next captain(s). i'm a bit sad and relieved all at the same time. also a bit worried.

sad
hm. well, i've really enjoyed the opportuntities and obligations that go along with leading a group of people for a common goal. i guess that's why i do what i do for a job. and i'm sad to be leaving that behind because there has been lots about it that i've loved.

relieved
to just think of going to play kickball without all the related responsibilities seems like a dream to me. i won't have to:
get all the money together and worry about doing it before the good nights fill up
take all the shit for the name of the team and the color of the shirts when i couldn't make everyone happy
get the t-shirts and hand them out to the right people and get extra's for late joiners
be the first to show up to the field
do the reauchambeau and potentially lose and let the team down
listen to all the suggestions from the team about how to run the team and feel inadequate
worry about whether we'll have enough people to play
feel let down when people don't finish the season
feel like everyone is disappointed in our captaining approach, even though we try so hard

worried
yep, another list makes sense here. worried that:
the kickball ideals that we believe in will cease to be as important (it's only a game, everyone should get to try out the different positions, don't treat other players/teams badly, people can mess up and that's part of the fun)
i won't be very good at not being the leader (keep my nose out of it)
without as much experience, the new captain(s) won't know what to avoid/embrace about everything
i won't be there to make sure everything goes smooth, so we won't get a good night or enough people to play
no one will take the captain job from us and we will either have to beg someone, or disband. =(

okay, this isn't a very positive post, but i suppose i knew that going into it. i just have to remember, it's just kickball. babies aren't dying. and however it works out will be just fine, even if it doesn't work out at all.

thanks to all the teams we've captained for letting us lead. i really loved it.

long live the colonel!

amuse yourself

http://www.subservientstickman.com/

okay, she does look fantastic

who knew a bra could be this much FUN!

http://www.experiencewonderyou.co.uk/

smurfette is dead

i know, everyone is talking about the smurf work. i will add my two cents-

- i love that blowing up the beloved smurfs gets through the media to the people. do something peaceful and lovable and no one hears about it.

cello lessons

so there are these cello lessons that are mine for the taking. am i ready? it means i will have to work at it. it means i will have to practice. it means i will have to commit to spending time. i can be honest on my blog right? i'm so freaking excited, but i'm afraid i will get started and then peter out.

okay.

now that i've stated my fear i can move confidently in the direction of my dreams.

no blog inside

i want to blog, i want to say stuff. tell the great internet how my trip to arizona was, how my first atv adventure was, how i love my new job, even still.

but there is no blog inside me right now. so i will post this comic and leave it at that for now. i know you, great internet, will forgive me for now.

Nature Quote of the Day- i like this one

The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.

--Galileo Galilei

split rock lighthouse on october 1st 2005

aaron and i went to split rock lighthouse yesterday to see the fall colors and spend some time outdoors.

oh my god it was so beautiful. the whole world was in transition and it felt great to be a part of that. the leaves where changing colors, the sun was setting, and the beach was so peaceful and serene. i love the black sand on that beach, it's my favorite. everything made me feel so alive.

aaron is my best friend.

i have the best friends in the whole world

they threw me a party
they said they love me
they really came through for me on every level
they gave me the gift of believing in me

the one thing i've been wanting to do is play my cello
so they got together to pay for lessons for me so that i can play
what a wonderful, thoughtful thing to do, to give me that kind of boost.
i can't wait to reward them all with a little recital (hopefully i'll learn to play well enough that it will be taken as a reward)

i really feel very lucky that my friends are as good to me as they are.

thanks to all of you, you make me cry a little when i think of all your support.

why even live when you're this old?

i told aaron this morning he was completely justified in finding a new and younger chick to replace me now. after all, i'm 30, and what's the point in even living now, right? he swore his undying love, but, you know, whatever.

i want to send a happy birthday shout out to my buds: linda king, gwyneth paltrow, scott baio (charles in charge), hilary duff, and one of my best friends ever- google (7 years old today).









happy birthday!!

in my twenties for one more day

i feel like i'm leaving something behind (my twenties), but that it really wasn't something i was completely attached to. maybe i feel 'sad' (or whatever i'm feeling) because i can't go back, so it feels like i'm losing something.

that didn't happen when i turned 20 and left my teens behind. it was a celebration then. so why the melancholy? AM i melancholy? am i just responding to the feeling that society tells me the twenties are the most desirable age and now those are behind me? cause if that's it, i spit on society (this 30's thing is already working for me, i think).

welcome 30.

thanks andy rooney

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't site around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-of waitress.

For all those men who say, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Here's an update for you. Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.

brilliant navigation

the navigation on this site is awesome: http://www.ikea.com/ms/sv_SE/kampanj/fy06_dromkok/dromkok.html

go there, then move your mouse over the main area until you get an arrow, then click and watch...

AKQA- case studies?

http://www.akqa.com/home.html
>work >ideas vol1

does it take balls to publish an agency book that shows all your award winning work with in-depth case studies detailing how the work was accomplished and then sell it on your website?

yes

my next question- where does an agency find the time to publish?

final score- 21 to 0 in favor of 'prison rules'

the scurvy knaves lost their kickball game tonight. as umps, aaron and i tried to swing it in their favor, but that just wasn't possible.

we also lost our game by one point, but it was a very fun game. i love kickball.

i'm also braindead right now, apparently.

in the nudie

what would it feel like to buy a pair of jeans for $265 and then wear them almost everyday for 8 months before you would wash them because that's when they would finally have conformed to fit perfectly to your unique body?
would the chafing be unbearable?
would they stink something aweful?
would it be worth the ridicule you would have to endure for the cult mindset?
you should ask josh ehren- josh@haminthefridge.com.

Nudie Jeans - owned by the guy in the office next to me (he took a picture of them)

those damn poor people...

...they think of no one but themselves.

hawthorne melody

a very talented designer/developer that i work with at my new job also does music!

what a fantastic surprise to hear his usually quiet voice singing with a freedom i hadn't expected. listen for yourself:

http://www.hawthornemelody.com/

thanks for sharing, donn!

copernicus- the internet is not flat

let's make the screen seem to have a lot more dimension. it's not flat afterall.

i like to see 'out-of-the-box' thinking (i'm so clever) like this:

http://www.theasylum.com.sg/

the gap is fixed

not the gap in my teeth, the gap in technology on the gap site. =)

http://www.gap.com/browse/category.do?cid=7858

go here and roll over one of the shirts being showcased. when the 'QuickLook' box shows up, click on it. this new functionality is quiet and cool, helping to enhance my shopping without taking me away from a page i'm probably very interested in staying on. i think this kind of smart but quiet innovation is the next wave of the internet.

too bad there is no innovative fix for the gap in my teeth.

emma and luke

my friend from high school brought her family to visit. she and her husband have managed to create two very very beautiful children, emma and luke.

i'm anxious to start my own family. i'm certain aaron feels the same way. =)

30th birthday party- coming up soon

so i'm sad that a few people that i really love won't be able to come to my party, but i'm really glad that a lot of people that i really love will be able to come.

aaron is teasing me about some big surprise they have for me. he is trying to drive me crazy and since i'm already clinically crazy, i'm determined not to go completely insane. we'll see how that goes, right?

my mom already gave me my gift, btw. it was a big surprise all on it's own... thanks mom!!

remember when i said i wasn't sure if 30 was going to be dramatic for me, and i'd have to find out over the next two months? is it possible that the birthday just forces you to take inventory of the changes in your body and life, when without a milestone birthday, you'd just keep hurtling toward death without pausing for reflection? then, since you were hurtling, but now you're pausing, the contrast of that is what causes the drama?

okay, this IS pretty cool

http://65.39.85.13/google/

kentucky

i'm flying down to kentucky on monday for work...

i guess that's all i have right now.

was this necessary?

www.legos.com

when you call the little blocks that fit together legos instead of lego bricks or lego toys, are you really creating a hardship for the lego brand?

is it really worth scolding children and their parents when they are the ones who have turned your brand into what it is, whether technically correct or not?

i know they are proud to be 'lego' brand toys, but do the people who play with them really care (and should they have to)? and aren't you adding a negative association to the brand by making such a useless insistance? who really cares?

if we all call them legos, will the brand be desecrated so completely that people will stop knowing what we're talking about?

end of week = successful color printout

so my transition is complete, i'm fully employed again and tomorrow will be the last day of my first full week at ham in the fridge.

the first two days were rough, only because i went from knowing the ins and outs of everything at CL to not being able to execute a simple color printout at ham in the fridge. and though i know that it isn't because i'm an idiot, but rather because i simply don't have all the information a person needs to function at 100% (which includes having the proper driver installed), that didn't stop that sense of frustration and disappointment from invading my brain and body. the female curse didn't do much to bring me out of that feeling on monday and tuesday.

wednesday and thursday picked up splendidly, though, that's for sure. i'm starting to feel my feet beneath me now and i think i've turned a corner toward integration with the new peeps.

they are nice to me now, but that's gotta change if i'm gonna be happy in this position. they will learn, i'm sure.

i'm a shit

i was going to call my good friend tonight when i got home from work, but i feel asleep and didn't wake up until 11:30pm (i may be coming down with something, i think).

i made a big deal about calling her cause i know she could probably use some love and support right now.

and then i failed to be that support.

i'm a shit.

you're not your fucking khaki's

how much stuff/money/status does one person need? at what point does a person realize that the wealth they have accumulated and the house/car/pool is more than they actually need to survive happily, and that it has actually started owning them?

my theory is that people with amazing wealth and infinite possessions are actually less capable of leading a satisfying and (for lack of a better word) happy life, since all the stuff they own actually clutters up their relationships and confuses their personal reward system.

so we all want to be happy. we can get happiness from 1) the things money can buy us, and we can get happiness from 2) the successes we have in our relationships. is it possible to focus too much on one of those avenues? is it possible that the quality of the happiness from one is different than the quality of happiness from the other? is it possible that people who can buy more stuff are off balance, and need progressively more things to make up for the lack of happiness derived from successful relationships?

or is this the perspective i take to reassure myself that they don't actually have it better than i do? can you have a ton of money/possessions and have the same intensity of happiness that you can have without it?

who ya gonna call?

ghostbusters!!

aaron has never seen ghostbusters, so i put it on our netflix queue and we watched it last night.

it's always fun watching an 80's flick and checking out all the futuristic computer equipment (and don't forget the cool fashions). the special effects brought me back to my childhood. it almost made me want to see the whole movie redone with what we can do now. someday, we'll be looking back on film's from 2005 and laughing.

i ain't afraid of no ghosts...

life changing experience update- 50% penetration

tivo has aaron hooked. he talks about it when we're away, he talks about it when we're home. he has personified it and talks about it very fondly as 'the tivo man'. he becomes sad and hurt when it records a show for me and not him. i would say that tivo has been a life changing experience for him.

me, on the other hand? well, i like it. it's nice. but i still don't watch a lot of tv. maybe it just takes longer for some folks.

transition update: 50% complete

i am unemployed today. a bum. didn't get out of bed until 11:30am.

monday, i'll be completely employed and the transition will be complete. then will there be duck in the fridge? or is that too hokey even for me?

digging in the fridge- ready to climb in and shut the door

bret treated the whole ham team to lunch today as a welcome to jamie and i. my computer and office are coming along nicely, and bret and i talked more about what i'll be doing there, including some of the projects that are in progress. i didn't really want to leave- i'm so ready to dig in.

soon enough, i suppose.

happiness is the wilderness

will i ever tire of extraordinary wonderment? I can't possibly.

(no fishies this time, though no mosquitos either)

let's burn that big tree over there (dedicated to aaron ray)

i would like to personally meet the kind of person (aaron insists it must be a man) who, while camping out in the middle of nowhere, decides it would be a good idea to stick one end of a very large (and long) log/tree into the fire, in order to burn it.

after speaking to them for a short while, i'll probably learn that there is nothing about them that would identify them as especially stupid, for maybe there's a piece of all of us that is incredibly stupid- it just manifests itself differently for each of us.

at the conclusion of my conversation, would i find that they are also the kind to leave their cigarette butts in a wilderness fire pit and a full roll of toilet paper near the latrine?

life changing technology

so i won a tivo a few weeks ago for being a geek. it has arrived.

we had to buy a new tv with audio/video hookups (our previous tv was 10 years old) and we are now prepared to have a life changing experience with tivo.

i do it to myself

everytime i feel overwhelmed by all the things going on in my life, i have to remember that i do it to myself.

today and tomorrow- clean this mess up
tuesday- kickball practice/party
wednesday- shop for bwcaw trip
thursday through sunday- bwcaw
next tuesday- first kickball game
next wednesday- last day at CL
following monday- first day at ham
labor day weekend- camping with m and m
september- camping with tk
september- am i really thirty bday party
somewhere in all of that- cello, working out (eek), insanity.

Susan Quakkelaar prefers the other white meat

Ham in the Fridge is a small web shop that has helped us with our web development over the past 4 years - whenever we were too busy to do it ourselves. Well... They just made Susan an offer she couldn't refuse. So she is leaving CL to go and work for them. Her new post at Ham will offer her a chance to immerse herself in cool, geeky web stuff and give her the opportunity to play a key role in building their business - two things she just couldn't pass up.

Since Susan first joined us as an intern in 2002, she has been full of positive energy and always the first to volunteer to take on something new. After her internship, she became a Project Coordinator and in that role, she re-invented the NWA online process, making it possible for us to have online ads running 24 hours after the announcement of a sale. She also began our DART online ad serving program and helped us convert our web trend reporting to Urchin. Earlier this year she was promoted to Project Manager and seamlessly took on our biggest client, Porsche, with much success. She will be missed.

Susan's last day will be August 24. Stop by and tell her pork jokes. And wish her well.

Melody Lentsch
Interactive & Direct
Carmichael Lynch

the glasses are half full

who knew that a cool new pair of glasses could make a person feel so good.

did you ever know?

ham in my eyes

i'm ready to start the transition to my new job at ham-in-the-fridge. i hope they are ready for me.

i hope CL get's everything they can out of me in the next 2 weeks.

carmichael lynch- i've loved you

thanks to you, CL, for:

giving me a chance
guiding me in the right directions
pushing me to grow myself
allowing me to practice what i've learned
sharing your clients with me
loving me the way i am
valuing me enough to make this decision as hard as it was
being the kind of place that makes me cry today as i begin to let go

forecast for the weekend

this weekend, there will be strong gusts of excitement and anticipation, followed by extended periods of doubt and apprehension lasting into the night. temperatures to range from lukewarm to overheated, coming back down to around average by monday morning.

the sunshine always prevails.

needles in my skin

last night, i was standing by the counter in a 'store' of some sort. i realized i was nude from the waist up, and that someone (i suspected my sister, of course) had inserted small needles into my skin everywhere.

someone else was there with me, helping me pull them out, though i don't really know who they were, but we kept finding more.

that's when i realized there were crabs crawling all over the floor and so i tried not to step on them. i got good footing and figured i'd just let them crawl past, but they started biting me.

it's obvious that my mind was working through a lot of feelings in my dream last night. today will be a difficult day for me.

stressing

i'm starting to stress about this. i want to get it over with so i can start sleeping again.

focus on the now.

hypnosis, you have failed me

last night i tossed and turned almost all night long with stuff on the brain.

it's the first time since 1995 that my hypnosis tricks didn't help a lick.

but when i took a shower this morning the heirarchy was clear to me:
1. what's best for my career?
2. what's the best fit for my personality?
3. what kind of compensation are they offering?

maybe the sleepless night was worth this little bit of clarity.

cole christian ralya is my nephew, and he is adorable. i hope that i can spend more time visiting him than i've spent this year. it's hard being away.

phoenix and pharoah

my mom has two new family members, phoenix (f) and pharoah (m). though i couldn't find the picture of pharoah online, here is a picture of phoenix. i'm excited to meet these new friends at the next family get together.

lori is thirty

her birthday party was last night and it was a great one.

soon i'll be thirty. is that supposed to mean something? everyone talks about thirty as a big transition. i can't tell if it hasn't set in yet, or if i just don't feel what everyone else feels.

i've got a couple months to find out.

good times

as i'm thinking about my future and talking about it with people near me, i'm feeling so good about the things i've done and the places i'm going. it's a very good feeling to be appreciated. right now i'm feeling a whole lot of appreciation for the skills i have.

i find myself smiling to myself, and trying not to get a big head. i hope that i can navigate through this time in my life rationally, without letting the emotions of the time take hold of me.

there seem to be many possible paths stretched out in front of me, all likely to lead to good times.

it's challenging just to focus on the path right beneath me and enjoy every minute of this time in my life.

karma- is it real?

i can't say i believe in a 'god' (my definition- a conscious energy in the universe). i do believe that coincidences rule our experiences. but do i believe in this idea of karma (putting good energy into the world brings it back around to you, somehow...)

well, i'm not sure i need to solve that question this morning, but i feel like if there was ever a time to believe, now might be it.

thanks to all the wonderful people who have liked me, or said great things about me, to bring more than one new opportunity to my door in the last few weeks (overwhelming me and creating havoc, but that's beside the point).

cajones

i don't have them.

i just don't.

and right now i need them.

if you want to know why, you'll have to call me, because i can't really talk about it online.

but i need to grow a backbone.

normally, i have an overdeveloped backbone. where has it gone?

nothing is right

everything is wrong, bad feelings, misunderstood, why can't i just be happy right now.

i'm not, not at all.

and i hate it. it's everything, all at once. i want to be alone.

george and karen

we visited george and karen's town home today to thank them for hosting us at their cabin in june and teaching us how to fish. we gave them a rapala, some rapala ads, and a picture frame with two pictures, one with us and george, and one with us in the bwcaw with our fishies.

they are fun to talk to, because they have the same bwcaw fever we have, and they know more. so each time we visit with them, we get another hint about what's what in the wilderness.

they are good to us, we like them a lot.

summer is not my fav

fall, winter, and spring are my favorite seasons. i hate this heat.

i want to move to canada.

Melody/CL couldn't have lasted forever, i guess

my boss, melody, is leaving carmichael lynch.

this makes me very sad because her leadership is a very large part of why i enjoy my job so much at CL.

there were tears yesterday.

it maybe seems dramatic, but if you met her just once, you would understand.

i have these hopes:
1. that she and i will keep in contact
2. that someday we will work together again
3. that i can rediscover her energetic 'brand' of leadership either in others around me or within myself
4. that CL doesn't start to suck without her
5. that she is very successful as an independant consultant

it seems that # 1 and # 5 are sure bets, # 2 and # 3 are good possibilities, and # 4 is the one that worries me the most.

thank you, melody, for everything you are.

s quakkelacker's series of unfortunate events

also known as: how not to get a good night's rest.

lost the softball game.
stayed up late to get something for work done.
woke up at around 1:30 dreaming about the work I did.
woke up a half hour later to stop the door from creaking and keeping me awake.
woke up 15 minutes later for 'revenge of the maximus' (pizza luce with sausage).
stumbled back into the bedroom to get my glasses so i could see if i could stop the toilet from overflowing (that was just nasty).
spent 15 minutes cleaning up the mess.
fell back asleep finally
woke up at 3:30 because of a very loud thunderstorm.
woke up at 7am to start my day.

okay, the kitty and the buddy were very excellent snugglers, they were the only good thing about the night.

august 19th will be a beautiful day

that's the day aaron and i are planning to venture back into the wilderness for some fishing. it can't come fast enough.

cello news

so i got my cello from the repair shop on saturday. i nervously pulled it out and began to tune it to my computer (the things you can do nowadays with some electricity). i also had to look up how to read the music again, spotted a few notes i recognized and the rest all just came back to me. the notes were slightly more gruff sounding than the last time i remember it, but they came back alright. =)

as i played through the one book i had stored in the back of the cello case, i was starting to plan for next steps (how often should i practice, was i really going to dig out all my sheet music or should i just buy more, could i afford a tutor, how much work would it take to be ready for a recital), when my newly rehaired bow popped and all the hair spilled all over my newly refurbished (and quite beautiful) cello.

bummer.

now i need to get that fixed before i can set my practice schedule in motion. oh well, i needed to get rosin from that store anyway.

resisting negativity

so i think we've probably played about 20 softball games this season (or close to 20). i try to maintain a good positive attitude, i try to have spirit, i try to be excited, i try to quell the nagative feelings that are deep inside trying to bubble out.

there is one thing that will help me resist the negative:

could we just win one game?

everyone will want to be me...

...when i tell the world my news:

aaron and i are going up to the bwcaw again this summer.

just the two of us, to fish and sleep in a tent again over a long weekend.

i can barely contain my excitement. seriously. we are going to be delirious with enjoyment.

we started sketching out the details last night, and it doesn't seem fair that we should get to go out twice in one year, but how could we not? it calls to us, it begs us to return, even if just for a weekend. and we are giving in. how wonderful.

i know you want to, but you can't be me. sorry.

afraid

i'm at the coffee shop on the corner, not more than a block from my house.

i've just finished all the work i'll actually do for the day.

i know aaron is at home, waiting to do something 'fun'.

my iced chai tea latte is gone.

all my email has been read.

all my favorite sites have been visited.

but i'm not ready to leave. why, you ask?

cause i'm afraid to step outside into the 90 plus degree weather and instantly melt.

i have nothing else legitimate to do here, i must leave.

i'm afraid.

a bad start, a great finish

i had a bad feeling about this day when, while watering my precious friends (most people call them plants), one of them took a trip down about 14 feet to the bottom of our stairway. It was the variegated jade, probably the one plant i have that could handle the fall the least.

After scraping him off of the stairs, apologizing profusely and replanting him, I crawled back into bed to confess my sins. I snuggled with buddy to try to fend off a bad day, and then crawled back out of bed and hoped for the best.

the best is what i got.

here is a quick description of the rest of my fabulous day:

• i only needed about an hour on my laptop to square work away for the day.
• the write-off i needed to get on behalf of my client was approved.
• i met a friend for lunch, who surprised me by stating he was interested in hiring me. he listed all the things he liked about me (huge boost to my day, since the position would be exactly the kind of position i've envisioned for myself).
• i stopped to see buddy at work to tell him my news.
• i sent angela's graduation gift and tesia's birthday card out in the mail (finally).
• i found out that i can get the pair of glasses that i was planning to get at the end of the year, whenever i want, instead of having to wait.
• i dropped my cello off for repair (really fucking exciting- i'll get it back in a week!).
• my brothers 'goodies' arrived- a network router, gameworks cards, and a pen drive (thanks scott!)
• saire sent aaron and i very sweet 'thank you' cards that described her favorite parts of our trip, and our friendship (she included a check for her part of the trip- thanks saire!).
• i talked to my mom on the phone (thanks mom!)
• i received an invitation to a party for an old friend- proving he is still my friend despite a sticky situation that occurred.
• aaron is making venison stew for dinner.

life is sweet today.

cello today (and work frustrations)

i'm going to take my cello in to get it repaired today.

i would be extremely excited about this, if i weren't so wrapped up in work right now. there's a lot of things weighing me down, so my excitement is muted. I'm sure after lunch, when i head in the direction of the cello shop the excitement will hit me. i know it's there.

it doesn't seem right that going on vacation is preceeded and followed by intense periods of work hell/punishment. i can't seem to get my feet underneath me with all this stuff, so i'm going to work on my 'summer day' from home and try to crank through a bunch of things. wish me luck.

wonder when i'll get my cello back from repair if i drop it off today...

celebration dinner

tonight we're having salmon/trout, corn, salad, soup, cheesecake and friendship for dinner to celebrate our successful bwcaw trip.

in the interest of posterity, we wanted to capture some of the phrases from our wondrous vacation:

what day is it? - see entry below
that's a good quality to have
i'm going to want some honey
if there are two ways of doing things, one of them must be wrong
so here's the plan...
shower!
leave no trees (added to post 7/4)
no tree left behind (added to post 7/4)

thanks scott, saire and aaron for helping to make our trip so fabulous.

to do list

now that i'm getting back into the swing of things at home, i'm trying to get a grasp on all the things i need to do:
send wendy a birthday card, re-establish contact
send angela a necklace and a card for her high school graduation gift
put away all the camping equipment
put together george and karen's thank you gift
make stephers and alicia some pretty jewelry
set up some weekends for camping with tesia and visiting michigan
get my cello fixed and begin playing again

that's all i can think of now, though i'm sure there is more

what day is it?

what day is it?

aaron, scott, saire and i agreed that this is the most beautiful question one would ever have to ask.

after canoeing through the boundary waters, portaging, setting up camp, cooking dinner, enjoying sunsets and sunrises, one tends to lose track of time. and it is blissful.

our trip was super fantastic. we had great weather, everything was planned well. the fish were biting, the water was warm. we never wanted to come home.

aaron and i decided that we don't really need to wait another year to revisit the bwcaw. maybe over labor day weekend, we could rent the canoes (we have all the other equipment we would need) and go up to terrorize the walleyes a bit more, just the two of us.

bwcaw eve

tomorrow we venture into the wilderness. if i don't return, come look for me, and find yourself in heaven too.

pelted

last night i got pelted with a softball (that i was expected to catch) right above my left breast and below my chin.

okay, it hurt.

matt should not feel bad for pelting me, it was a very catchable ball. it's just that i have no experience catching a ball that is coming 50 mph directly at my chest.

so i got pelted instead.

oh, and we lost again.

headline 'discarded bag of cash found outside my door'

my mom is not a discarded bag of cash, but when i told her this morning about my commitment to play my cello again, she asked if she could give me the money to get it fixed up. What a great answer to my blog on June 10th!

what i love about her offer is that when she heard me say cello, she didn't hesitate on her offer, almost as if she wanted me to play as much as i wanted to play. it gives me a very good feeling to believe that.

in some ways, it almost revises my high school memories just slightly. almost like i can imagine her support back then, even though she maybe never said it.

thanks mom. thanks for your support. (it's better than a discarded bag of cash)

close call

it was a close call last night when aaron slid into home base on the kickball field and the ump declared him safe.

it was a close call this morning when we found out that the resulting injury to aaron's right hand was a sprain, not a break. especially since we have no health insurance for him. =)

12 years and still smiling

aaron and i celebrated our 12 year anniversary yesterday by eating burrito loco, watching six feet under on hbo, and falling asleep on the couch (that was more aaron than me).

in honor of our anniversary, aaron made me a music cd to commemorate our 12 years with one song for every year and a few extras thrown in for good measure. as i listened to each one, i could see us in that year, doing what we were doing. i don't know how, but he captured the essence of our lives together with just a few songs.

the smiley face cult lives on within us

here fishy fishy fishy...

aaron and i went fishing this weekend on little bass lake. our friends george and karen have a cabin up there.

our plan was to learn how to fish so that we could get a few good meals out of the boundary waters when we go in two weeks. george was a great teacher, even though i'm sure i was a disappointing pupil, since i wasn't willing to clean my own fish (sorry george).

[just to get it on the record, every time i've touched the body of another animal in any way not related to petting or loving them, i have fainted. so my goal is to work my way up slowly by watching aaron do it a few times, just to avoid the faint factor.]

well we had a marvelous weekend. aaron and i went out on sunday afternoon alone to see if we were capable of finding a few fish without george the master in the boat. and we did. aaron caught a nicely sized bass and had fun getting it off the hook and back out of the boat. hope that guy will survive after his ordeal.

all in all, we are ready on the fishing side of things for our bwcaw trip and i'm excited to take a big bite out of our first wilderness fish in about two weeks. pass the lemon!

cello love

i checked out my cello in the basement. i haven't opened that case since 1998. i was surprised by two things when i opened the case:
1. how sentimental i was about seeing my cello again. =)
2. that i had forgotten that i had wrapped a towel around it so that it wouldn't get damaged during our move to minnesota in 1998. the towel reminded me that i've always been sentimental about my cello.

i'm tearing up a bit at the excitement i feel at having committed to playing again. i checked out costs for purchasing strings online and it's sort of pricey. i could get some cheap ones for $60 bucks or some really really expensive ones for more than the cello itself cost (thanks mom and dad). it looks like bridges cost somewhere around the same (between $60 and ohmygod).

things i have done:
1. re-established the bond i have with my instrument
2. found a site to order strings from
3. found a site to give me a general idea of bridge costs
4. called the shop to ask about sound post reposting ($10-$15)

here's what i still need to do:
1. find a discarded bag of cash outside my door
2. order new strings
3. get the cello into the shop and get the sound post reposted
4. buy a new bridge
5. play =)

feelings i am having:
1. excitement about playing again
2. love for my cello
3. nervousness about when i will find a discarded bag of cash outside my door
4. fear that i won't follow through with this plan
5. (sometimes) annoyance at myself for having committed to this plan

right now, the happiness is most prominent. i'm going to go turn on some cello music to make the most of it.

to the greatest kickball team we've ever played

thank you, ligers, for being the absolute best team we've played in our five seasons of kickball.

you had spirit that rivaled ours
you understood that it's just a game
you actually kicked the ball, even when it wasn't pitched perfectly
you didn't hold up the game arguing calls with the umps
you manbunted only when strategically appropriate and you did it with pride
you heckled like you've been heckling for years
you played a great game of kickball, and made us work for the win
you drank beer with us and tolerated all our stupid jokes
you're an upstanding group of folks
you get what great kickball is all about

thank you.

perhaps after the season, we could play a few scrimmage games with ya'll?

going to the next round

i was right!

detroit pistons

i think they are going to win.

only death can stop the pain

it's amazing what a little beep beep beep can do to you after an hour.

something is beeping somewhere in the neighborhood and it's about to drive me completely insane. i don't have any idea where it's coming from and it's probably barely audible over all the birds to most people, but after about 10 minutes of working on my laptop in my living room, it's all i could hear, and now, an hour later, i'm going to shoot myself in the head, simply to stop the beeping.

beep beep beep (pause) beep beep beep (pause) KABOOM!!

call of the bwcaw

it happened again this morning. i woke up in my bed and wished it was a tent. the window was open and the wind was blowing softly through the trees, sun shining. the only thing that makes it tolerable is knowing that at the end of june, we'll be in the wilderness for a week.

the bwcaw calls to me more than ever after last years trip. the wilderness will have satisfaction. three short weeks from now, we will be roughing it. and when i wake up in my tent, i'll probably wish i was in my bed. =)

nah.

taco morelos can go to hell

aaron left his id somewhere in chicago this weekend, which is an annoying story all on it's own, without this one...

would it have been so hard for the guy that has waited on us at taco morelos for the last 4 years to serve aaron a frosty beer even though he has no id? apparently so. i felt like we were buds with the peeps there, but now i can see it is not so.

even the beer could have been forgivable, if the meal had been decent. the steak was tough and overdone, the cheese was non-existant, and there was a long 'string'-like thing in my refried beans. nice.

i used to worship their food. what has happened, good people of the world?

sunshine

i see it outside the window, but it's only teasing me, i fear. i'd like to play kickball tonight, but only if the weather will cooperate.

so verily i say unto you, oh mother nature- if thou dost so wish for triumph, givest thou the sunshine. we promise not to spill any beer on your ground.

that's the closest i've come to an actual prayer in 10 years.

two runs

even though we lost the game, i'm proud to say that i got two runs. now, that ain't too shameful.

i have to admit, i like softball. (okay, a lot)

too bad aaron has sworn off being my only fan. he apparently doesn't like to watch a team that's up by more than 5 twice in one game actually lose it in the end. i can't say i blame him.

cello

so i've decided i'm going to play my cello again.

i haven't touched it since high school graduation, but i think of picking it up again all the time. so here is my commitment to myself. in about a year, i will have a 'recital' for my closest friends and family (if they want to travel for the occasion). it won't be good, but it will be real.

this weekend i will pull the badly wounded animal out of its case and see how much money i will need to pump into it to get it into playing condition again (my first hurdle to playing, let's hope it isn't too much).

kickball left unkicked

for the second week in a row, our kickball game was cancelled because of rain. poo.

i guess i needed to get laundry done anyway.

just to be fair...

shaq is probably a very nice person.

urf-links

okay, i know this is just wrong, but i have an issue with shaq. prepare yourself, i'm about to go to a place i rarely go- the pure rip on another human, a human that i've never met. i should be more compassionate than this, but for some reason, I'm not going to right now.

shaq is big and dumb and we reward him for that. he would have never made it through natural selection on his own (not that i necessarily would have either, but other humans don't reward me with millions of dollars for being as stupid as a box of hair).

the look on his face when he is playing basketball is the epitome of 'deer in headlights' and i imagine a very quiet 'uh, okay guys. okay, you can give it to me if you want. uh, okay. uh...' going through his brain.

i shouldn't say this, but i shudder to think that he was allowed to procreate. his use of the word 'earthling' during an interview, not to mention his pronunciation, honestly makes me want to cry a little.

i cannot believe we pay this man exhorbitant amounts of money and hold him up as an example to our children. yet the teachers in this country need to work summer jobs to help feed their families.

i don't ask much, mainly just that we start rewarding intelligence, too. (i knew i had a point)

i'm in advertising- what did you expect?

so this site launched today for my client, Porsche Cars North America: http://www2.us.porsche.com/cayman/pcna.asp

it's neat because you can see the new Cayman S. it is beautiful.

if you know me, you know it is extremely odd that i could ever have 'special' feelings for a car. but Porsche vehicles do it for me. it all started after i drove it around the track a few times in birmingham.

(sigh)

laura bush went to jerusalem and wore this on her head. i can't exactly articulate the reasons why this really really bothers me right now, but i'm sure there are about 50 different ones. okay, here's one: none of their ambassadors come to our country and wear our 'fashion', so it seems like a lame attempt at subordination, which angers me.

me

closer to a pink power suit

in february it was a promotion and a cell phone, in april it was a laptop, now it's my own blog. will i continue to acquire new trendy things as my real self fades into darkness? will i eventually own a pink power suit?